wasting words on lower cases and capitols.

void.

I’m lost.  Deep inside a cave I crawled into for safety while running from the truth, the lies, and the dark, deadly monsters that sprung up from the graves of blood and broken mirrors.  It’s cold, it’s lonely, and yet somehow… comforting.  There’s a noose in the corner if I need to end my suffering, when the short supply of hope and dreams is gone and my starving heart can’t bear the pain anymore.  The monsters… they followed me inside and they’re guarding the only way out.  They seem to be saving my soul to watch my torture for their own amusement.  I left a trail of breadcrumbs but nobody will attempt to save me, I’m already dead.

I believe that no life is meaningless.
I believe that happiness is the key to life, and it’s been buried.
I believe in love and hapy endings, and that they can’t always work together.
I believe that we are but tiny specks of dust in this universe, yet somehow everything we do and say and think is important.
I believe everyone should feel loved.  By family, friends, a pet, or a significant other.
I do not believe in religion, as the freedom to wonder is much more comforting to me.
I believe the world is damaged and broken, and need help to heal.
I believe that everyone is faced with chalanges, and the beauty of life is how we can overcome them.
I

I love him, thoug I’ve eaten his heart.
I’m very happy with him, thoug it could be my meds.
I get tingley volts of electricity throug my veins around him.
I’m able to be silly and laug for hours
yet i’m overwhelmed with this and to counterbalance it, my body pushes me into crying fits after laughing, depression after joy.  Maybe i’m still not ready?  I want off my meds so I don’t rely on an artificial happiness or a pill for normalllcy.  I just want to feel and react without pharmacuticals and without killing myself.  Why does that seem not possible? Can I have my sanity without sanitization?

You always manage to make me feel better and put a smile on my face

you always treat me really well, have never done anything wrong

I regret breaking up with you.  I was just scared of the distance..

I see now what a horrible mistake I made.  I didn’t try enough.

Let’s try this again, pleasee.

I loved you then, I still love you now.  And you know nothing ever changed it, no not then, not now.

Cross the Line if you feel like love will never be for you.

(Source: crosstheline)

falling.

Falling in love is easy.  It’s often unexpected, and you don’t get to really choose who you fall in love with and who you don’t.  It’s there or it isn’t. 

Sure, anybody can fall IN love.

But you can never fall OUT of love, just as you can never fall out of a hole in the ground.

You have to claw and climb and dig and scratch and bleed.  And even then, you’ll never make it all the way out.

Once you truly love somebody, that doesn’t just go away.  There will still always be a sliver lodged in your heart, a piece of you that still loves them.  That never goes away.

I think that’s a good thing, because if you could just wake up and not love them anymore, what would be the point?

You will love somebody again, in time.  We can recover from almost anything.  But it’ll always be there, no matter how hard you try to bury it.

That’s the beauty of human emotion.

flaws.

Insecurity, is one of my biggest flaws.  I’m constantly questioning myself and every little decision I make, I’m almost never confident about anything.  I’m always afraid of losing a friend, and always want to take back words in fear of their reaction.

I care too much.  It’s my kryptonite.  and perhaps I end up falling for the wrong people because of it.  I can see the beauty in brokenness, and it’s not always a good thing.

I forgive way too easily.  And end up getting hurt because of it.  But, then I’ll forgive that, a horrible cycle.

I  have a slight obsession with hair and makeup, and often spend hours perfecting it even if I’m going no where.

I can be overly shy when meeting new people, I always have been.  I try to be more outgoing, but only in the comfort of friends.

I get jealous.  Like any human being.  I’m pretty good at seeing the immaturity of it and ignoring/hiding it though.

I guess I have a hard time letting go.

I sometimes can’t see reality through my big black heart.

I talk to myself when I’m alone.

I don’t have perfect skin, and I always have huge dark circles under my eyes.

I don’t have a ‘perfect’ body.

I don’t try hard enough in school.

I have super chubby, short toes.

my nails peel all the time

I always have split ends, so my hair never really grows.

I have a habbit of looking at the past and regretting anything I could have done differently.

I can’t look very far into the future.  I have no long-term goals and can’t figure out what I want to do with my life.

I’m afraid of the dark sometimes.

…

mascuerade.

when there’s no where left to run

and no where left to hide

strip me down to the core

my freckled self exposed.

Will you tear off the mask

and see through my charade

be the first human to not

turn and run away

Let your eyes go deeper

explore lands never graced before

Maybe this time we can be

something even more

come to my rescue

my knight weilding a plastic knife

we’ll see what lies behind

our masks

just promise not to run out of my life .

rip off your clothes (let yourself come out)

just a costume for the show.

peel off your skin (let your soul breathe)

what are you hiding for?

we all are just make believe

acting

dancing

singing

crying

laughing

smiling

loving

killing

fighting

it’s all a mascuerade.

You better stay clean.  I care about you too much to lose you, especially to this.